One day, while a rich lawyer was in his limousine, he saw two men eating grass by the road. He told his driver to stop and got out.
Lawyer: Why are you eating grass?
Man1: We don’t have money; my family is starving.
Lawyer: Come to my house and eat there.
Man1: I have a wife and 2 kids.
Lawyer: It’s okay. Take them.
Man2: I also have a wife and 5 kids.
Lawyer: Take them, too!
Both Men: You’re so kind. Thank you!
Lawyer: Glad to do it! You’ll love to eat at my place. The grass is almost 1 foot tall!
Lawyer: Why are you eating grass?
Man1: We don’t have money; my family is starving.
Lawyer: Come to my house and eat there.
Man1: I have a wife and 2 kids.
Lawyer: It’s okay. Take them.
Man2: I also have a wife and 5 kids.
Lawyer: Take them, too!
Both Men: You’re so kind. Thank you!
Lawyer: Glad to do it! You’ll love to eat at my place. The grass is almost 1 foot tall!
Your temporary absence from my immediate vicinity seems to affect a slight depression of sorts within this realm’s day to day existence. In short, “I miss you.”
Boy’s life: Anytime you see a young man open a car door for his girlfriend, either the car is new or the girlfriend is. ^.^
Beauty is not measured through the outer appearance, the clothes or bling-blings we wear.. but what’s in the inside! So try to go out naked sometimes! (hehe)
A man setup his email account with his gf beside him. Feeling all macho, he put in “penis” as his password. His gf fell off her chair laughing when the following error message appeared:
“PASSWORD NOT LONG ENOUGH”
“PASSWORD NOT LONG ENOUGH”
Tired of all the sissy friendship quotes that always sound good but doesn’t happen all the time in reality? Well, here’s a series of promises that really show what true friendship is:
When you’re sad, I help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sore loser who made you sad.
When you’re blue, I’ll try to dislodge whatever it is that’s choking you.
When you smile, I know you just got laid (finally).
And when you’re scared, I pester you about it every freakin’ chance I get!
When you’re sad, I help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sore loser who made you sad.
When you’re blue, I’ll try to dislodge whatever it is that’s choking you.
When you smile, I know you just got laid (finally).
And when you’re scared, I pester you about it every freakin’ chance I get!
Before marriage…
Boy: Yes, at last! It was so hard to wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: No, don’t even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course! Over and over…
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: No, Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get.
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Are you crazy? I’m not that kind of person!
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes!
Girl: Darling…
After marriage, simply read from bottom to top.
Boy: Yes, at last! It was so hard to wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: No, don’t even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course! Over and over…
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: No, Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get.
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Are you crazy? I’m not that kind of person!
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes!
Girl: Darling…
After marriage, simply read from bottom to top.
BF: Babes, you know what, you have a body of a god!
GF: Oh yeah? You really think so? Which god, Aphrodite, Athena, or Venus?
BF: No… Buddha!
GF: Oh yeah? You really think so? Which god, Aphrodite, Athena, or Venus?
BF: No… Buddha!
A true definition of a music lover:
If a man hears a woman singing in a bathroom, he’ll make a hole and put his ear, instead of his eye.
If a man hears a woman singing in a bathroom, he’ll make a hole and put his ear, instead of his eye.
Four job applicants were asked…
Interviewer: What is the fastest thing on earth?
German: Thought.
American: A blink of an eye.
Aussie: Light switch.
Juan d Pinoy: Diarrhea!
Interviewer: Huh? Why diarrhea?
Juan: Let me explain. This morning, I had stomach ache, I ran to the toilet but before I could think, blink or even switch on the light, there was ‘igit’ in my pants already! So fast! Very fast!
Interviewer: What is the fastest thing on earth?
German: Thought.
American: A blink of an eye.
Aussie: Light switch.
Juan d Pinoy: Diarrhea!
Interviewer: Huh? Why diarrhea?
Juan: Let me explain. This morning, I had stomach ache, I ran to the toilet but before I could think, blink or even switch on the light, there was ‘igit’ in my pants already! So fast! Very fast!
Define love? According to doctors and intelligent people, love is a sickness because everybody who gets it, ends up in bed… hehehe…
###People who don’t know me think that I am well-behaved.
People who do....
.....
.....
.....
Wish I was… hehe…
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
My wish is to take off your clothes just for once…
.
.
.
.
I just wanna know how angels hide their wings…
God bless your naughty mind. Hehe..
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Friends are like buttcheeks. Shit separates them but they always come back together… Hehe… Take care, buttcheek! ;)
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Scientists say that the ugliest animal is the hippopotamus. But you know what, more people say it’s a cow. What do you think? :P
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
The specialty of a KISS is when you type the word ‘kiss’ in your cellphone with dictionary on, it will automatically say where you have to kiss. I bet you’re gonna try this. ;P
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Sex is not the answer.
Sex is the question.
The answer is, "yes."*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
TAGALOG
Secretary: Mukhang may crush sa akin si Sir!
Janitor: Swerte mo, ‘day! May dual citizenship ‘yan!
Secretary: Talaga?
Janitor: Oo naman. Filipino citizen na, senior citizen pa!
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Ifugao: Apply po akong sundalo, Ser.
Officer: Di ka pwede! Andami mong sirang ngipin! Bungi-bungi ka pa!
Ifugao: Bakit, Ser? Ang giyera ba ngayon lips to lips na?! (hehe)
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Anak: Nay, hihingi sana ako ng 500.
Ina: Ano?! 400? Ang laki naman ng 300! Ano bang gagawin mo sa 200? Kala mo ba madali lang makakita ng 100? 50 nga ang hirap ko ng kitain, 20 pa kaya? Oh, eto, 5…
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Alam mo ba kung paano namatay si Wolverine?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Sa pangungulangot! (hehe)
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
If you're a doctor, how would you tell a dying patient about his or her condition?
Simple. Just sing him or her this song:
"Makulay, ang buhay. Makulay, ang buhay, sa kabilang buhay..." :p
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Piglet sat beside Pooh and said, "Pooh?"
"Yes, Piglet?" said Pooh.
"Nothing." Then Piglet took Pooh's hand and said, "Mas mataba ka pa sa akin, ikaw dapat ang Piglet!"
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
CEBUANO
"Dare what it takes to be. Then we shall so because it is. To do or not, now or what else to be without."
---Words of wisdom from Manny Pacquiao (Hala, sabta! hehe)
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Satanas, ningbuthog kalit diha sa park.
Pastor: Huh?! Sa power sa akong pagtuo, pahawa satanas, pahawa!
Satanas: Char! Mura’g tag-iya sa park…
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
“Wala’y layo nga kugmo sa taas nga kuko.”
Perti ka nindot nga quote. It signifies determination, creativity, and hope. Unta ma-inspire ka. Hehe..
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Juan: Bay, naa nay taning akong kinabuhi. Taman na lang ko karong kadlawon. Teksanay ta tibuok gabii!
Pedro: Pagpuyo! Sayo pa kong mumata ugma. May man ka kay dili na!
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
A girl asked a boy if she was beautiful, and he said, “No.”
…
…
…
Mao ‘to nga na-bad trip ang girl… Ambisyosa man; pangutana-pangutana pa… Hehe.
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Makna! Oontaplo makna! Imisamu makna! Uyo iso makna! Owo owowo…
Relax… dili na sumpa...
Ambisyoso lang ang bungi nga ningkanta ug Smack That… hehe..
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
I sat under a tree and told the tree with tears falling,
"Why do I always get hurt? Don't I deserve to be happy?"
The tree answered,
"Don't cry my child. Everyone deserves to be happy; getting hurt is just a part of our life... So cheer up!"
My tears stopped falling...
And I ran fast! Screaming!
"Whoaaaaa.... Ang kahoy, niistorya! English pa jud!"
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
NANAY: Hala, sige! Layas! Ayaw na'g balik diri sa balay! Sukad karon, ayaw na ko'g tawga'g nanay ug dili na pod tikaw tawago'ng anak! Kasabot ka?!
ANAK: Char... Sige, friend. Adto na ko. (hehe)
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
CEBUANO & TAGALOG
In a bus, a lady hears 2 Jamaican men engaged in an animated discussion.
Jamaican: Emma come first. Then I come. Then 2 asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two more asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come 1 last-a-time.”
Lady: You foul-mouthed, sex obsessed swine! In this country, we don’t speak a loud about our sex lives in public places!
Jamaican: Hey, cool-a-down, lady! Who talkin’ about-a-sex? Emma justa tellin-a my friend-a how to spell-a Mississippi!
(Bet you’re gonna read it again. Hehe)
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
A lady in a bar walks to the barman and puts her finger into the barman’s mouth. Barman lustly kisses and links each finger.
Lady: Tell your manager that there’s no toilet paper!
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
BF: Hon, yun ang ex-girlfriend ko. (Tinuro)
GF: Ang pangit naman!
BF: Wala akong magagawa. Yan talaga ang weakness ko ever since eh…
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak uli tayo, ano magandang name?
Manny: Hmmm… Eh di i-combine na lang naten names naten… Manky!
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
People who do....
.....
.....
.....
Wish I was… hehe…
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
My wish is to take off your clothes just for once…
.
.
.
.
I just wanna know how angels hide their wings…
God bless your naughty mind. Hehe..
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Friends are like buttcheeks. Shit separates them but they always come back together… Hehe… Take care, buttcheek! ;)
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Scientists say that the ugliest animal is the hippopotamus. But you know what, more people say it’s a cow. What do you think? :P
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
The specialty of a KISS is when you type the word ‘kiss’ in your cellphone with dictionary on, it will automatically say where you have to kiss. I bet you’re gonna try this. ;P
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Sex is not the answer.
Sex is the question.
The answer is, "yes."*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
TAGALOG
Secretary: Mukhang may crush sa akin si Sir!
Janitor: Swerte mo, ‘day! May dual citizenship ‘yan!
Secretary: Talaga?
Janitor: Oo naman. Filipino citizen na, senior citizen pa!
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Ifugao: Apply po akong sundalo, Ser.
Officer: Di ka pwede! Andami mong sirang ngipin! Bungi-bungi ka pa!
Ifugao: Bakit, Ser? Ang giyera ba ngayon lips to lips na?! (hehe)
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Anak: Nay, hihingi sana ako ng 500.
Ina: Ano?! 400? Ang laki naman ng 300! Ano bang gagawin mo sa 200? Kala mo ba madali lang makakita ng 100? 50 nga ang hirap ko ng kitain, 20 pa kaya? Oh, eto, 5…
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Alam mo ba kung paano namatay si Wolverine?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Sa pangungulangot! (hehe)
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
If you're a doctor, how would you tell a dying patient about his or her condition?
Simple. Just sing him or her this song:
"Makulay, ang buhay. Makulay, ang buhay, sa kabilang buhay..." :p
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Piglet sat beside Pooh and said, "Pooh?"
"Yes, Piglet?" said Pooh.
"Nothing." Then Piglet took Pooh's hand and said, "Mas mataba ka pa sa akin, ikaw dapat ang Piglet!"
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
CEBUANO
"Dare what it takes to be. Then we shall so because it is. To do or not, now or what else to be without."
---Words of wisdom from Manny Pacquiao (Hala, sabta! hehe)
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Satanas, ningbuthog kalit diha sa park.
Pastor: Huh?! Sa power sa akong pagtuo, pahawa satanas, pahawa!
Satanas: Char! Mura’g tag-iya sa park…
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
“Wala’y layo nga kugmo sa taas nga kuko.”
Perti ka nindot nga quote. It signifies determination, creativity, and hope. Unta ma-inspire ka. Hehe..
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Juan: Bay, naa nay taning akong kinabuhi. Taman na lang ko karong kadlawon. Teksanay ta tibuok gabii!
Pedro: Pagpuyo! Sayo pa kong mumata ugma. May man ka kay dili na!
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
A girl asked a boy if she was beautiful, and he said, “No.”
…
…
…
Mao ‘to nga na-bad trip ang girl… Ambisyosa man; pangutana-pangutana pa… Hehe.
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Makna! Oontaplo makna! Imisamu makna! Uyo iso makna! Owo owowo…
Relax… dili na sumpa...
Ambisyoso lang ang bungi nga ningkanta ug Smack That… hehe..
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
I sat under a tree and told the tree with tears falling,
"Why do I always get hurt? Don't I deserve to be happy?"
The tree answered,
"Don't cry my child. Everyone deserves to be happy; getting hurt is just a part of our life... So cheer up!"
My tears stopped falling...
And I ran fast! Screaming!
"Whoaaaaa.... Ang kahoy, niistorya! English pa jud!"
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
NANAY: Hala, sige! Layas! Ayaw na'g balik diri sa balay! Sukad karon, ayaw na ko'g tawga'g nanay ug dili na pod tikaw tawago'ng anak! Kasabot ka?!
ANAK: Char... Sige, friend. Adto na ko. (hehe)
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
CEBUANO & TAGALOG
Multo: Awooo... awooo...
Bata: H'wag po, h'wag po... natatakot po ako...
Multo: Kei...sorry... (hehe)Naa isa ka killer misulod sa kwarto sa isa ka-magtiayon.
Killer: Before nako patyon akong biktima, akong hibaw-on iyang ngalan. Ikaw, unsa imo name?!
Wife: Linda a ako nga ngalan…
Killer: Di tika patyon kay pareho mo name sa akong mama. Ikaw, unsa imong name?!
Husband: Pe pedro akong ngalan. But my friends call me Linda… (hehe)
Killer: Before nako patyon akong biktima, akong hibaw-on iyang ngalan. Ikaw, unsa imo name?!
Wife: Linda a ako nga ngalan…
Killer: Di tika patyon kay pareho mo name sa akong mama. Ikaw, unsa imong name?!
Husband: Pe pedro akong ngalan. But my friends call me Linda… (hehe)
After having sex, the girl keeps on touching the organ of the guy.
Guy: You want more?
Girl: Nope! May nami-miss lang kasi ako..
Guy: Sino, ex mo?
Girl: Hindi… May ganito din kasi ako dati, eh… (whoa!)
Guy: You want more?
Girl: Nope! May nami-miss lang kasi ako..
Guy: Sino, ex mo?
Girl: Hindi… May ganito din kasi ako dati, eh… (whoa!)
Sabi nga nila, kung ikaw ang may kelangan, ikaw ang lumapit. Sabi ko naman, paano yung mga nalulunod? Siya pa din ba ang lalapit? “Help, help!” Sabay lapit, ganun? (hehe)
“Parisukat ugat ng ekis sa kapangyarihan ng dalawa ay ekis.”
In English, square root of x to the power of 2 is x. Tapos? Makakasurvive kaya tayo kung Tagalog ang Math?
In English, square root of x to the power of 2 is x. Tapos? Makakasurvive kaya tayo kung Tagalog ang Math?
Ang sapa, bisa’g unsa kalawom, taga dughan ra na sa itik, kabantay ka?
Busa ayaw jud kalimot, bisag unsa kalawom sa imong problema, pangita lang ug itik. Sakye! (hehe)
Busa ayaw jud kalimot, bisag unsa kalawom sa imong problema, pangita lang ug itik. Sakye! (hehe)
Oi, musta na ka? Pasensya na ha dugay na ko wala katext nimo, kapuyan man gud ko text gud. Mao karon, mobuon lang nako pagtext, igo lang gud ko mangumusta nimo. Okay na na kaysa ubang text nga tag-as kaayo unya mangumusta ra diay japon. Ako, mobo ra akong text nimo pero at least hinumdom ko nimo, di ba? Hasul kaayo ng taas nga text oi! Kalas kaayo load. Mayo ng mobo ra para sulit. Dili nako maghasul nimo kung nag-unsa ba ka dinha, di ba? Basta akong text nimo mobo ra, para kumustahon ka. Wala na daghang storya. Samok kaayo. Wala na, mao ra to. Sige, ha?
Ang ating mga magulang gumagapang sa paghahanap ng pera at sa pagpapaaral sa’tin. Samantala, ang anak gumagapang sa kalasingan… yung iba pa nga, nanggagapang… nagagapangan… o di kaya’y nagpapagapang.
Philippine’s most beautiful women in shampoo ads:
Pantene – Ruffa Gutierrez
Palmolive – KC Concepcion
Sunsilk – Marian Rivera
Head & Shoulder – Angel Locsin
Rejoice – Kim Chiu
Eh sa Clear? – Piolo Pascual! (Peace Papa Piolo! )
Pantene – Ruffa Gutierrez
Palmolive – KC Concepcion
Sunsilk – Marian Rivera
Head & Shoulder – Angel Locsin
Rejoice – Kim Chiu
Eh sa Clear? – Piolo Pascual! (Peace Papa Piolo!
)Tatay: Nak, atong ipalit ng imong tres ug bulad.
Anak: Huh? Di ko oi! Ipalit nako ni yoyo…
Tatay: Unya, makaon ng yoyo?
Anak: Unya, motuyok ng bulad?!
Anak: Huh? Di ko oi! Ipalit nako ni yoyo…
Tatay: Unya, makaon ng yoyo?
Anak: Unya, motuyok ng bulad?!
Buta ug libat, gasinumbagay…
Buta: Hoy, libat! Gawas dinha. Ayaw pagtago-tago sa ngitngit!
Libat: In your dreams! Ngano pod tawon kong mogawas? Duha mo kabuok, alkanse ko, no?!
Buta: Hoy, libat! Gawas dinha. Ayaw pagtago-tago sa ngitngit!
Libat: In your dreams! Ngano pod tawon kong mogawas? Duha mo kabuok, alkanse ko, no?!
Anak: Tay, unsaon pagchula sa gwapa ug pangit?
Tatay: Gwapa gani, hagki ang nawong unya kumuta ang boobs! Kung pangit, hagki ang totoy nya kumuta ang nawong!
Tatay: Gwapa gani, hagki ang nawong unya kumuta ang boobs! Kung pangit, hagki ang totoy nya kumuta ang nawong!
Ang gugma bisa’g sakit, makalingaw:
Kiss diri, gakos didto.
I love you diri, I miss you didto.
Pero kung makakita na’g lain, biyaan na ka. Mahimo nang:
Emperador diri,Red Horse didto.
Matador diri, San Mig didto.
Pisti diri, yawa didto.
Malipayon no? Mura ka’g buang nga:
Hilak diri, suka didto.
Ligid diri, dagma didto.
Ug matambagan sa amigo:
Sagpa diri, kulata didto.
Sumbag diri, bun-og didto.
Pait kuno pero, anan, gugma-gugma pa mo! Hehe…
Kiss diri, gakos didto.
I love you diri, I miss you didto.
Pero kung makakita na’g lain, biyaan na ka. Mahimo nang:
Emperador diri,Red Horse didto.
Matador diri, San Mig didto.
Pisti diri, yawa didto.
Malipayon no? Mura ka’g buang nga:
Hilak diri, suka didto.
Ligid diri, dagma didto.
Ug matambagan sa amigo:
Sagpa diri, kulata didto.
Sumbag diri, bun-og didto.
Pait kuno pero, anan, gugma-gugma pa mo! Hehe…
Moabot ang panahon nga mamatay ta tanan. Moadto ta sa langit, kinsa una pasudlon, ikaw? ako? sila? Syempre, sila… kay mag-inom pa baya ta. Despedida, ba? Hehe…
Sa tindahan…
Bata: Te, naa mo’y load?
Tindera: Oo, naa, dong.
Bata: Pateksa ko, beh…
Bata: Te, naa mo’y load?
Tindera: Oo, naa, dong.
Bata: Pateksa ko, beh…
Junior: Itay, itay! Nasugatan po ako!
Tatay: Buti nga di ka umiyak. Ang tapang ng junior ko…
Junior: Syempre naman, itay! Sabi nga sa kanta ni Fergie, “Big girls don’t cry!”
Tatay: Buti nga di ka umiyak. Ang tapang ng junior ko…
Junior: Syempre naman, itay! Sabi nga sa kanta ni Fergie, “Big girls don’t cry!”
We are driven in our roads called “life.” In every turn, don’t forget to stop coz… basin naa’y tagay! 
A polygon with 5 sides is pentagon; 8 sides, octagon; 10 sides, decagon. How about 69 sides? — Olagon? hehe…
Pedro: 20 ka chics akong nahilabtan!
Pablo: Ako, 50 na!
Juan: Ako 3 ra lagi! (Nangatawa silang Pedro ug Pablo) Akong misis, ug inyong mga misis ra jud. Honest!
Pablo: Ako, 50 na!
Juan: Ako 3 ra lagi! (Nangatawa silang Pedro ug Pablo) Akong misis, ug inyong mga misis ra jud. Honest!
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In a bus, a lady hears 2 Jamaican men engaged in an animated discussion.
Jamaican: Emma come first. Then I come. Then 2 asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two more asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come 1 last-a-time.”
Lady: You foul-mouthed, sex obsessed swine! In this country, we don’t speak a loud about our sex lives in public places!
Jamaican: Hey, cool-a-down, lady! Who talkin’ about-a-sex? Emma justa tellin-a my friend-a how to spell-a Mississippi!
(Bet you’re gonna read it again. Hehe)
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
A lady in a bar walks to the barman and puts her finger into the barman’s mouth. Barman lustly kisses and links each finger.
Lady: Tell your manager that there’s no toilet paper!
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
BF: Hon, yun ang ex-girlfriend ko. (Tinuro)
GF: Ang pangit naman!
BF: Wala akong magagawa. Yan talaga ang weakness ko ever since eh…
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak uli tayo, ano magandang name?
Manny: Hmmm… Eh di i-combine na lang naten names naten… Manky!
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
Dalawang magkaibigang centipede nagkita….
“Uy, pare! apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir…”
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“Uy, pare! apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir…”
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Muslim: Barato relo ni, water resistant.
Buyer: Pwede testingan?
Muslim: Sige, ibutang sa tubig.
Buyer: Wala na lagi nituyok ang relo?
Muslim: Automatic na nga relo. Niutong na sya!
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Buyer: Pwede testingan?
Muslim: Sige, ibutang sa tubig.
Buyer: Wala na lagi nituyok ang relo?
Muslim: Automatic na nga relo. Niutong na sya!
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Sure enough, money can’t buy happiness. But somehow mas komportable mag-emote sa sulod sa BMW ikompara sa pedikab, di ba?! (hehe)
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Dear anak,
Nagpadala na ko 50,000 para sa imong tuition. Gibaligya na nako ang kabaw. Mahal man diay ng Geology course. Baligya pod nako ang baboy para sa imong project nga Nokia N95 ba to? Mahal man na nga project diay? Apil na ang 7,000 para sa recollection nimo sa Lee Plaza. Asa ba na? Siguro, dako na nga monasteryo. Ang basakan, amo na i-prenda sa imong tiyo, para sa imong field trip sa Bora. Busa anak, ayaw jud pataka ug laag-laag…
Love,
Nanay
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Nanay
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Asa ka karon? Reply pud oi. Naa ko diri naghulat nimo sa may ABS-CBN. Naa ta’y commercial sa Safeguard. Pagdali kay ikaw ang…kagaw!
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Here’s a very hard question:
Kung tulo (3) na lang imong ngipon, unsa man imong gusto?
Katag o tapad?
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Kung tulo (3) na lang imong ngipon, unsa man imong gusto?
Katag o tapad?
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Juan: Pre, kada gabii ko sige kuhiton sa akong misis, pre! Unsa’y akong buhaton?
Pedro: Ah! Ka-ok ra ana pre! Unsa may problema nimo?
Juan: Hadlok ko, tulo na siay ka tuig namatay!
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Pedro: Ah! Ka-ok ra ana pre! Unsa may problema nimo?
Juan: Hadlok ko, tulo na siay ka tuig namatay!
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Bruno: Unsa na nga papel?
Juan: Listahan sa mga nangahadlok nako.
Bruno: Tan-aw beh! Uy, nganong naapil man ko ani?
Juan: Ngano, sukol ka?
Bruno: Oo!!
Juan: Eh, di erison. Problema ba na?
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Juan: Listahan sa mga nangahadlok nako.
Bruno: Tan-aw beh! Uy, nganong naapil man ko ani?
Juan: Ngano, sukol ka?
Bruno: Oo!!
Juan: Eh, di erison. Problema ba na?
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A kid was staring at a chakang tambay. The tambay got angry and shouted:
“Hoy, bata! Nganong lain man ka makatan-aw?!”
Bata said, “Ikaw, nganong lain man kaayo ka tan-awon?” (hehe)
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“Hoy, bata! Nganong lain man ka makatan-aw?!”
Bata said, “Ikaw, nganong lain man kaayo ka tan-awon?” (hehe)
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Inahan: Daghana ug lung-ag, apila ang iring ug iro.
Anak: Oo, nay…
Inahan: Inatay, nganong dunay iring sa nilung-ag?!
Anak: Apil gani unta ang iro, di na man maigo…
Anak: Oo, nay…
Inahan: Inatay, nganong dunay iring sa nilung-ag?!
Anak: Apil gani unta ang iro, di na man maigo…
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