Jokes

One day, while a rich lawyer was in his limousine, he saw two men eating grass by the road. He told his driver to stop and got out.
Lawyer: Why are you eating grass?
Man1: We don’t have money; my family is starving.
Lawyer: Come to my house and eat there.
Man1: I have a wife and 2 kids.
Lawyer: It’s okay. Take them.
Man2: I also have a wife and 5 kids.
Lawyer: Take them, too!
Both Men: You’re so kind. Thank you!
Lawyer: Glad to do it! You’ll love to eat at my place. The grass is almost 1 foot tall!

Your temporary absence from my immediate vicinity seems to affect a slight depression of sorts within this realm’s day to day existence. In short, “I miss you.”

Boy’s life: Anytime you see a young man open a car door for his girlfriend, either the car is new or the girlfriend is. ^.^

Beauty is not measured through the outer appearance, the clothes or bling-blings we wear.. but what’s in the inside! So try to go out naked sometimes! (hehe)

A man setup his email account with his gf beside him. Feeling all macho, he put in “penis” as his password. His gf fell off her chair laughing when the following error message appeared:
“PASSWORD NOT LONG ENOUGH”

Tired of all the sissy friendship quotes that always sound good but doesn’t happen all the time in reality? Well, here’s a series of promises that really show what true friendship is:
When you’re sad, I help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sore loser who made you sad.
When you’re blue, I’ll try to dislodge whatever it is that’s choking you.
When you smile, I know you just got laid (finally). 
And when you’re scared, I pester you about it every freakin’ chance I get!

Before marriage…
Boy: Yes, at last! It was so hard to wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: No, don’t even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course! Over and over…
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: No, Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get.
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Are you crazy? I’m not that kind of person!
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes!
Girl: Darling…
After marriage, simply read from bottom to top. 

BF: Babes, you know what, you have a body of a god!
GF: Oh yeah? You really think so? Which god, Aphrodite, Athena, or Venus?
BF: No… Buddha!

A true definition of a music lover:
If a man hears a woman singing in a bathroom, he’ll make a hole and put his ear, instead of his eye. 

Four job applicants were asked…
Interviewer: What is the fastest thing on earth?
German: Thought.
American: A blink of an eye.
Aussie: Light switch.
Juan d Pinoy: Diarrhea!
Interviewer: Huh? Why diarrhea?
Juan: Let me explain. This morning, I had stomach ache, I ran to the toilet but before I could think, blink or even switch on the light, there was ‘igit’ in my pants already! So fast! Very fast! 

Define love? According to doctors and intelligent people, love is a sickness because everybody who gets it, ends up in bed… hehehe…

###

People who don’t know me think that I am well-behaved.
People who do....
.....
.....
.....
Wish I was… hehe…

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

My wish is to take off your clothes just for once…
.
.
.
.
I just wanna know how angels hide their wings…
God bless your naughty mind. Hehe..

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Friends are like buttcheeks. Shit separates them but they always come back together… Hehe… Take care, buttcheek! ;)

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Scientists say that the ugliest animal is the hippopotamus. But you know what, more people say it’s a cow. What do you think? :P

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

The specialty of a KISS is when you type the word ‘kiss’ in your cellphone with dictionary on, it will automatically say where you have to kiss. I bet you’re gonna try this. ;P

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Sex is not the answer.
Sex is the question.
The answer is, "yes."*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*


TAGALOG
Secretary: Mukhang may crush sa akin si Sir!
Janitor: Swerte mo, ‘day! May dual citizenship ‘yan!
Secretary: Talaga?
Janitor: Oo naman. Filipino citizen na, senior citizen pa!

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Ifugao: Apply po akong sundalo, Ser.
Officer: Di ka pwede! Andami mong sirang ngipin! Bungi-bungi ka pa!
Ifugao: Bakit, Ser? Ang giyera ba ngayon lips to lips na?! (hehe)

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Anak: Nay, hihingi sana ako ng 500.
Ina: Ano?! 400? Ang laki naman ng 300! Ano bang gagawin mo sa 200? Kala mo ba madali lang makakita ng 100? 50 nga ang hirap ko ng kitain, 20 pa kaya? Oh, eto, 5…

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Alam mo ba kung paano namatay si Wolverine?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Sa pangungulangot! (hehe)

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

If you're a doctor, how would you tell a dying patient about his or her condition?
Simple. Just sing him or her this song:

"Makulay, ang buhay. Makulay, ang buhay, sa kabilang buhay..." :p

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Piglet sat beside Pooh and said, "Pooh?"

"Yes, Piglet?" said Pooh.

"Nothing." Then Piglet took Pooh's hand and said, "Mas mataba ka pa sa akin, ikaw dapat ang Piglet!"


*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

CEBUANO

"Dare what it takes to be. Then we shall so because it is. To do or not, now or what else to be without."

---Words of wisdom from Manny Pacquiao (Hala, sabta! hehe)

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Satanas, ningbuthog kalit diha sa park.
Pastor: Huh?! Sa power sa akong pagtuo, pahawa satanas, pahawa!
Satanas: Char! Mura’g tag-iya sa park…

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

“Wala’y layo nga kugmo sa taas nga kuko.”
Perti ka nindot nga quote. It signifies determination, creativity, and hope. Unta ma-inspire ka. Hehe..

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Juan: Bay, naa nay taning akong kinabuhi. Taman na lang ko karong kadlawon. Teksanay ta tibuok gabii!
Pedro: Pagpuyo! Sayo pa kong mumata ugma. May man ka kay dili na!

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

A girl asked a boy if she was beautiful, and he said, “No.”
…
…
…
Mao ‘to nga na-bad trip ang girl… Ambisyosa man; pangutana-pangutana pa… Hehe.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Makna! Oontaplo makna! Imisamu makna! Uyo iso makna! Owo owowo…

Relax… dili na sumpa...
Ambisyoso lang ang bungi nga ningkanta ug Smack That… hehe..

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

I sat under a tree and told the tree with tears falling,
"Why do I always get hurt? Don't I deserve to be happy?"

The tree answered,
"Don't cry my child. Everyone deserves to be happy; getting hurt is just a part of our life... So cheer up!"

My tears stopped falling...
And I ran fast! Screaming!

"Whoaaaaa.... Ang kahoy, niistorya! English pa jud!"

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

NANAY: Hala, sige! Layas! Ayaw na'g balik diri sa balay! Sukad karon, ayaw na ko'g tawga'g nanay ug dili na pod tikaw tawago'ng anak! Kasabot ka?!

ANAK: Char... Sige, friend. Adto na ko. (hehe)

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
CEBUANO & TAGALOG

Multo: Awooo... awooo...
Bata: H'wag po, h'wag po... natatakot po ako...
Multo: Kei...sorry... (hehe)

Naa isa ka killer misulod sa kwarto sa isa ka-magtiayon.
Killer: Before nako patyon akong biktima, akong hibaw-on iyang ngalan. Ikaw, unsa imo name?!
Wife: Linda a ako nga ngalan…
Killer: Di tika patyon kay pareho mo name sa akong mama. Ikaw, unsa imong name?!
Husband: Pe pedro akong ngalan. But my friends call me Linda… (hehe)

After having sex, the girl keeps on touching the organ of the guy.
Guy: You want more?
Girl: Nope! May nami-miss lang kasi ako..
Guy: Sino, ex mo?
Girl: Hindi… May ganito din kasi ako dati, eh… (whoa!)

Sabi nga nila, kung ikaw ang may kelangan, ikaw ang lumapit. Sabi ko naman, paano yung mga nalulunod? Siya pa din ba ang lalapit? “Help, help!” Sabay lapit, ganun? (hehe)

“Parisukat ugat ng ekis sa kapangyarihan ng dalawa ay ekis.”
In English, square root of x to the power of 2 is x. Tapos? Makakasurvive kaya tayo kung Tagalog ang Math?

Ang sapa, bisa’g unsa kalawom, taga dughan ra na sa itik, kabantay ka?
Busa ayaw jud kalimot, bisag unsa kalawom sa imong problema, pangita lang ug itik. Sakye! (hehe)

Oi, musta na ka? Pasensya na ha dugay na ko wala katext nimo, kapuyan man gud ko text gud. Mao karon, mobuon lang nako pagtext, igo lang gud ko mangumusta nimo. Okay na na kaysa ubang text nga tag-as kaayo unya mangumusta ra diay japon. Ako, mobo ra akong text nimo pero at least hinumdom ko nimo, di ba? Hasul kaayo ng taas nga text oi! Kalas kaayo load. Mayo ng mobo ra para sulit. Dili nako maghasul nimo kung nag-unsa ba ka dinha, di ba? Basta akong text nimo mobo ra, para kumustahon ka. Wala na daghang storya. Samok kaayo. Wala na, mao ra to. Sige, ha?

Ang ating mga magulang gumagapang sa paghahanap ng pera at sa pagpapaaral sa’tin. Samantala, ang anak gumagapang sa kalasingan… yung iba pa nga, nanggagapang… nagagapangan… o di kaya’y nagpapagapang. 

Philippine’s most beautiful women in shampoo ads:
Pantene – Ruffa Gutierrez
Palmolive – KC Concepcion
Sunsilk – Marian Rivera
Head & Shoulder – Angel Locsin
Rejoice – Kim Chiu
Eh sa Clear? – Piolo Pascual! (Peace Papa Piolo!  )

Tatay: Nak, atong ipalit ng imong tres ug bulad.
Anak: Huh? Di ko oi! Ipalit nako ni yoyo…
Tatay: Unya, makaon ng yoyo?
Anak: Unya, motuyok ng bulad?!

Buta ug libat, gasinumbagay…
Buta: Hoy, libat! Gawas dinha. Ayaw pagtago-tago sa ngitngit!
Libat: In your dreams! Ngano pod tawon kong mogawas? Duha mo kabuok, alkanse ko, no?!

Anak: Tay, unsaon pagchula sa gwapa ug pangit?
Tatay: Gwapa gani, hagki ang nawong unya kumuta ang boobs! Kung pangit, hagki ang totoy nya kumuta ang nawong!

Ang gugma bisa’g sakit, makalingaw:
Kiss diri, gakos didto.
I love you diri, I miss you didto.
Pero kung makakita na’g lain, biyaan na ka. Mahimo nang:
Emperador diri,Red Horse didto.
Matador diri, San Mig didto.
Pisti diri, yawa didto.
Malipayon no? Mura ka’g buang nga:
Hilak diri, suka didto.
Ligid diri, dagma didto.
Ug matambagan sa amigo:
Sagpa diri, kulata didto.
Sumbag diri, bun-og didto.
Pait kuno pero, anan, gugma-gugma pa mo! Hehe…

Moabot ang panahon nga mamatay ta tanan. Moadto ta sa langit, kinsa una pasudlon, ikaw? ako? sila? Syempre, sila… kay mag-inom pa baya ta. Despedida, ba? Hehe…

Sa tindahan…
Bata: Te, naa mo’y load?
Tindera: Oo, naa, dong.
Bata: Pateksa ko, beh… 

Junior: Itay, itay! Nasugatan po ako!
Tatay: Buti nga di ka umiyak. Ang tapang ng junior ko…
Junior: Syempre naman, itay! Sabi nga sa kanta ni Fergie, “Big girls don’t cry!”

We are driven in our roads called “life.” In every turn, don’t forget to stop coz… basin naa’y tagay! 

A polygon with 5 sides is pentagon; 8 sides, octagon; 10 sides, decagon. How about 69 sides? — Olagon? hehe…

Pedro: 20 ka chics akong nahilabtan!
Pablo: Ako, 50 na!
Juan: Ako 3 ra lagi! (Nangatawa silang Pedro ug Pablo) Akong misis, ug inyong mga misis ra jud. Honest!

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

In a bus, a lady hears 2 Jamaican men engaged in an animated discussion.
Jamaican: Emma come first. Then I come. Then 2 asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two more asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come 1 last-a-time.”
Lady: You foul-mouthed, sex obsessed swine! In this country, we don’t speak a loud about our sex lives in public places!
Jamaican: Hey, cool-a-down, lady! Who talkin’ about-a-sex? Emma justa tellin-a my friend-a how to spell-a Mississippi!
(Bet you’re gonna read it again. Hehe)
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

A lady in a bar walks to the barman and puts her finger into the barman’s mouth. Barman lustly kisses and links each finger.
Lady: Tell your manager that there’s no toilet paper!
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

BF: Hon, yun ang ex-girlfriend ko. (Tinuro)
GF: Ang pangit naman!
BF: Wala akong magagawa. Yan talaga ang weakness ko ever since eh…
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak uli tayo, ano magandang name?
Manny: Hmmm… Eh di i-combine na lang naten names naten… Manky!
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Dalawang magkaibigang centipede nagkita….
“Uy, pare! apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir apir…”
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Muslim: Barato relo ni, water resistant.
Buyer: Pwede testingan?
Muslim: Sige, ibutang sa tubig.
Buyer: Wala na lagi nituyok ang relo?
Muslim: Automatic na nga relo. Niutong na sya!
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Sure enough, money can’t buy happiness. But somehow mas komportable mag-emote sa sulod sa BMW ikompara sa pedikab, di ba?! (hehe)
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Dear anak,

Nagpadala na ko 50,000 para sa imong tuition. Gibaligya na nako ang kabaw. Mahal man diay ng Geology course. Baligya pod nako ang baboy para sa imong project nga Nokia N95 ba to? Mahal man na nga project diay? Apil na ang 7,000 para sa recollection nimo sa Lee Plaza. Asa ba na? Siguro, dako na nga monasteryo. Ang basakan, amo na i-prenda sa imong tiyo, para sa imong field trip sa Bora. Busa anak, ayaw jud pataka ug laag-laag…

Love,
Nanay
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Asa ka karon? Reply pud oi. Naa ko diri naghulat nimo sa may ABS-CBN. Naa ta’y commercial sa Safeguard. Pagdali kay ikaw ang…kagaw! 
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Here’s a very hard question:
Kung tulo (3) na lang imong ngipon, unsa man imong gusto?
Katag o tapad? 
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Juan: Pre, kada gabii ko sige kuhiton sa akong misis, pre! Unsa’y akong buhaton?
Pedro: Ah! Ka-ok ra ana pre! Unsa may problema nimo?
Juan: Hadlok ko, tulo na siay ka tuig namatay!
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Bruno: Unsa na nga papel?
Juan: Listahan sa mga nangahadlok nako.
Bruno: Tan-aw beh! Uy, nganong naapil man ko ani?
Juan: Ngano, sukol ka?
Bruno: Oo!!
Juan: Eh, di erison. Problema ba na? 
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

A kid was staring at a chakang tambay. The tambay got angry and shouted:
“Hoy, bata! Nganong lain man ka makatan-aw?!”
Bata said, “Ikaw, nganong lain man kaayo ka tan-awon?” (hehe)
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* *.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Inahan: Daghana ug lung-ag, apila ang iring ug iro.
Anak: Oo, nay…
Inahan: Inatay, nganong dunay iring sa nilung-ag?!
Anak: Apil gani unta ang iro, di na man maigo… 

Heartbreak and Tears

Why do we tend to hurt the one we love and hurt ourself twice as much? Why do we have to give up if we still want to fight? Why do things go wrong when all we do is... love?"

True love is a huge sacrifice...
You forgive and try to forget...
You know you will cry but you still give it a try...
You get hurt but you still love...
You were betrayed but you still hope...
You've been left... but you still wait...



An ideal guy...

• doesn't have bad vices...
• doesn't engage in one night stand...
• doesn't make promises he cannot keep...
• doesn't flirt and lie...
• doesn't give up...

In short, he...

doesn't exist!

True Love Lie
A guy was talking to his girlfriend. He asked, "Have you ever lied to me?"
 "Yeah, there were times," the girl said.
 "Really?! Okay, I dare you to tell me a lie."
 The girl looked at him in the eye and said,

"I love you."


Sad Thoughts
"The importance of something is seen when it is done...
The worth of someone is realized when he is gone...
For it will always be a mystery that we realize the essence,
When it is already a memory..."

###

"Crying is hard enough
But you just can't seem to go away and leave the one you love.
You keep saying, 'enough is enough!'
But you just couldn't give up,
Coz when it comes to loving someone,
Enough is never enough..."


###
What if someone has taken your place in your love one's heart?

It hurts, 'right?

But it hurts even more,
When you've realized that...

that place has never been yours... ='(


Nine Hardest Times of Your Life
1. Being questioned when you yourself don't understand.
2. Pretending to be innocent of what you know about.
3. Trying to forget something you know you never will.
4. Admitting you were wrong after you have been so insistent that you were right.
5. Debating with yourself.
6. Accepting the fact that some things are not meant to be.
7. Trying to understand when you just can't.
8. Realizing that you have been tricked after you've given your whole trust.
9. Parting or letter go of someone you have loved...
###


"When we were little kids, we couldn't wait to grow up and fall in love. Now that we're grown-ups, we realize that wounded knees are easier to heal than broken hearts."


On Goodbyes


* Goodbyes aren't so painful unless you know you'll never gonna say "hello" again.

* Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love. ~G. Eliot


Cupid
Why does cupid symbolize baby angels?
... that is to remind us that true love never grows old...

But why is cupid's arrow directed to the heart?
... that is to remind us that true love hurts...


Heartbreak
Heartbreak is an odd kind of pain
'Coz you're dying but you're not even sick...
You're perfectly fine but inside, where your heart used to be, you're hurt so much that you can't breathe... you can't sleep... and you can't stop the tears from falling...

Texts of Advice 2: Realities in Life

• Walk your talk.
• An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.
• By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
• Feel free to let go, let go to feel free.
• Do not let life make you ugly.
• To rest is to rust.
• Do not spread the net when the bird you want to catch is watching.
• Common sense is not always common.
• Old habits die hard.
• Beggars can’t be choosers.
• Uncertainty is inevitable, worrying is optional.
• Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
• Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.
• Eyes provide sight; heart insight.
• Stop looking for a purpose; create it.
• Success follows experience so get more experience.
• It is a sin to despise anyone. — Proverb 14:21
• If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say a thing. — P. Fry
• A dream which is not interpreted is like a letter which is not read. — The Talmud
• Enthusiasm without knowledge is not good. Impatience will get you into trouble. — Proverb 19:2
• There are no unanswered prayers. Sometimes the answer is no.
• Some people see the donuts. Others the hole.
• Even a small person can turn the light on in a small room.
• Every man has something to die for. A man who has nothing to die for is not fit to live.
• Something that affects you will have an effect on you.
• If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
• No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is vicious. — Henry Adams
• If it’s not yours, it will never be yours no matter how much you are blessed with it. But if in case, just in case it’s for you, it will always be for you… no matter how often you ignore it.
• Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice... But for those who love, time is eternity. — Henry van Dyke
• The most dangerous part of hell is reserved for those who do not take a stand. — Dante
• A big jar full of water gets emptied by just a small hole, even a little anger and pride will drain all the nobility of a good heart. Stay humble.
• Dreams are free so free your dreams! — Astrid Alauda
• The best reason for having dreams is that in dreams, no reasons are necessary. — Ashleigh Brilliant
• What does not kill you makes you stronger.
• Everything that is happening in this world has a purpose, be it something good or something bad. The universe never willed our lives to be like hell. So when a turning point seems so terrible, later you would notice that a wonderful thing compensates for then seemingly hopeless incident. Very often than not, our lives become better and things become blessings in disguise after all.
• The measure of our life is the love that we leave when we are gone.
• Like turtles, let us take one day at a time. It is neither how fast we move nor how long we live. It’s how we cherish every moment. Life is a gift!
• Watch your thoughts for they become words. Choose your words for they become actions. Understand your actions for they become your character. Study your character for they become your destiny.
• I’ve realized that life is indeed full of contradictions. Sometimes it’s crazy to be sane, you need to fall to fly, people suffer because you care. You have to unlearn to know the lesson. You have to give up because you are strong. You have to be wrong to make things right. Nonetheless, life’s complexities are also life’s source of beauty. We should cry to laugh again. Fall apart to be whole again and get hurt to love again. That’s life... a sublime irony!
• One sad irony of self is... we always know what’s right for others while there are certain wrong things we pursue on our own.
• Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.
• The sand taught me one thing: “You can’t hold too many things, no matter what you do to make them stay, and no matter how much they want to stay, the wind will always blow them away. So learn to let go and choose carefully which you want to stay, because like the sand, only those which are in the center of your palm will last.”
• Today, don’t think of saying any unkind word, think of the people who can’t speak. Don’t complain about the food you eat, some have nothing. Don’t complain about life, many die young. When you’re tired of your job, think of the jobless, the disabled and those who wish they had yours. When sad thoughts seem to put you down, paint a smile on your face and thank God you’re alive and still around. Life is a gift. Live it well.
• Just for today, decide to be happy. To live with what is yours. If you can’t have what you want, maybe you can like what you have. Just for today, decide to be kind. Be cheerful. Be agreeable. Be understanding. Be your best. Dress your best. Talk softly. Look for the bright side of things. Praise people instead of criticising them. Just for today, try it. After all, it’s just for today. Who knows, you might like it and do it again tomorrow.
• If wealth is the secret to happiness, then the rich should be dancing on the street. But only poor kids to that. If power ensures peace of mind, then officials should walk unguarded. But those who live simply sleep soundly. If beauty and fame bring ideal relationships, then celebrities should have the best marriages. But those who trust God completely have the most fulfilling relationships.
• The greatest desire in the world isn’t medical. It’s being unwanted, unloved and uncared for. We can cure physical diseases but the only cure for despair is love. There are those who are dying for a piece of bread but many more are dying for a piece of love. Share it every day.
• Life is a matter of perspective, either you complain because roses have thorns or you rejoice because thorns have roses. It all depends on how you look at it.
• Beginnings are scary. Endings are sad. And the middle? Well, it’s what counts the most. So don’t dwell on a dismal beginning or devote yourself on aiming for a happy ending. Coz you might miss the best part of the whole story. Enjoy life while you’re still in the middle. We can’t change how it began. Moreover, we can’t predict how it will end.
• Sweet words are easy to say, nice things are easy to buy; but good people are difficult to find. Life ends when you stop dreaming. Hope ends when you stop believing. Love ends when you stop crying. Friendship ends when you stop sharing. Love without condition, talk without intention, give without reason, and care without expectation.
• Every day, smile and act like nothing is wrong. It’s called putting everything aside and simply being strong!
• You won’t fully enjoy a swing unless you raise your feet from the ground. You won’t enjoy a boat ride unless you remove the rope’s knot from the river bank. Lesson: Never ever limit yourself when it comes to happiness, learn how to let go and take risk. Life is much beautiful outside the comfort zone.
• Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something.
• Understand life; do not stand under it.
• Humility is like underwear; indecent if it shows.
• Our name is one of our most important possessions.
• A bore is someone who keeps talking after everyone has stopped listening.
• Manner, like love, does not boast.
• People are less likely to notice your clothes if you wear a big smile.
• Do not prioritize what’s on your schedule. Rather, schedule your priorities. — R.S. Covey
• Conservatives are not necessarily stupid but most stupid people are conservative.
• A man is not old until regrets start taking place of dreams.
• We can’t discover new oceans unless we have the courage to lose sight of the shore.
• Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving deeply gives you courage.
• Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. — Da Vinci
• Beware of the half truth. You may have gotten the wrong half.
• Remember when drinking: Drink triple. See double. Act single.
• Love yourself for who you are. But keep in mind who you are becoming.
• Looks ain’t everything but they sure help you to get what you want.
• It’s your life so it’s your domain.
• He who has a ‘why’ to live can bear almost any ‘how’. — Friedrich Nietzche
• My grandfather always said that living is like licking honey off a thorn. — Louis Adamic
• The tragedy of life is not that man loses but that he almost wins. — Heywound Brown
• To test if your mission on earth is finished, check your heartbeat. If you’re still alive, it isn’t. — Richard Bach
• A promise is a comfort to a fool.
• True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing. — Socrates
• Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime. — Aristotle
• In the chase between cat and mouse, the mouse mostly wins. It’s because the cat is running for its food while the mouse for its life. Purpose is more important than need.
• Virtue does not come from wealth; but wealth and every other good thing which human have comes from virtue. — Socrates
• Sometimes you need to experience everything so that you would learn. There’s no easy way in living life so live it as it is. Cry. Laugh. Be crazy. And don’t miss the chances life is giving you because the most important things are not “things” at all. Most of the time, they are “people” making your life worth living.
• All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance. — Edward Gibbon

See also Txt of Advice 1: Life in General.

Love and Inspiration

• Love isn’t something you find. Love is something that finds you. — Loretta Young
• True love comes only once in a lifetime. It suddenly knocks on your heart. So when the right love comes, don’t let it go coz you can never bring it back.
• Love is a serious mental disease. —Plato
• It is a sin to despise anyone. — Proverb 14:21
• Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving deeply gives you courage.
• I see love when my grandma makes coffee for grandpa every morning.
• When my mom wakes up early in the morning to cooks us breakfast.
• When my uncle fetches his nieces and nephews from school.
• When my mom call to check if I’m okay.
• When people eat lunch together despite the busy schedule.
• When my cousin kisses the hurting finger of her baby.
• And when good friends hang out despite the distance.
• Now who said love was just for couples?
• No matter how plain and simple you are, there’s someone who will surely look at you as if you’re the most perfect creature ever existed.
• Pride makes us do things well. But it is “love” that makes us do them to perfection.
• Just because somebody flirts with you doesn’t mean they like you. Just because somebody likes you doesn’t mean they want to go out with you. Just because somebody goes out with you does not mean they love you. Just because somebody loves you, does not mean they won’t hurt you. That’s because people lie and things change. Boyfriends and girlfriends cheat, bestfriends ditch and there are always going to be those people who would kill to see you fall — a sad reality of life.
• Pretending that you don’t feel anything for someone is like convincing yourself that you could probably deny the only thing you can be sure of.
• Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice... But for those who love, time is eternity. — Henry van Dyke
• You can choose who to care, choose who protect, and choose who share life with. But you can never choose who to fall in love with, for love is not a choice. It’s a destiny.
• When you’re stuck with someone, no matter how hard you try to forget that person, it’s just not enough. Sometimes, all we can do is stay away. It does help a bit, but just for a while coz when that person show you even the smallest gesture of affection, all your efforts of moving on go down the drain. And you’re left alone again with nothing else to say but, “Damn, I just fell for that again.”
• When you love, it doesn’t matter how many times you’ve cried, how many words you’ve spoken. It’s how much you care, how long you sacrifice, even if it means taking away your own happiness.

On Being Single

Don't overuse your heart trying to look for the one you think you deserve. Instead, you should save the best part of you for the person who deserves you... Someone who came at the time you didn't search...

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Do you know what's the most unique thing about the heart?
The heart is the only broken thing that still works.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

There is nothing wrong with being single. It's nice to be free. I could stay out late every night. I could do everything I want. I could just be my plain old self. The whole world sees that I could take care of myself...

But you know what? It's nicer having someone who would always be there for you, wanting to look good or trying to be better for someone, letting someone hold me when I'm just to weak to go on....
It's nice to be free, but I think it's nicer being bound to someone I love and who loves me...
(merl: This is so true... hehe)

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

(merl: Here's the opposite of the above msg... hehe)

It's tough being single in this world where everybody expects you to be with somebody. But being single is not about having no one... Rather, it is an opportunity to taste everyone you like! ;P

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you do not have. Always remember that:
what you have right now was once among the things others hoped for...

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Find someone who isn't afraid to admit that he or she misses you... who knows that you're not perfect, but treats you as if you were... whose biggest fear is losing you... who says "I love you" and means it... Lastly, someone who wouldn't mind waking up in the morning, seeing your wrinkles and gray hair but still falls in love with you all over again...

Friendship Messages

Never discount the fact that despite silence, despite distance, despite not seeing you, our friendship blooms in every way, everyday. It's because we believe in the magic of it. :)

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Appreciating a friend is not merely seeing each other often... What counts most is that somehow in our hectic lives, we remember each other just by even saying,
"Please take care."

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

I haven't seen you in a while, yet I often imagine all your expressions. I haven't spoken to you recently, but many times I hear your thoughts. Good friends must not always be together... It is the feeling of oneness when distant that proves a lasting friendship...

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

A true friend scolds like a dad, cares like a mom, teases like a sister, irritates like a brother... And finally, loves you more than a lover... :)

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*
To walk is what I always do. But I prefer not to look back to people who’re no longer walking with me. Then someone asked me, “Why did you just let other people leave you?” Then I answered, “Life is a long journey. Let’s see who will be walking with me until the end of my story.”

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Our roots say we’re sisters, our hearts say we’re friends.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Your college friends know who you are... but your high school friends know why.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

There are 2 types of people:
1. Those who come into your life and say, “Well here I am.”
2. And those who come in and say, “Ah, there you are!”

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

I have a simple computation on how long our friendship will last. I count the stars in heaven, plus the sands in the shore, multiplied by the heartbeat, equals for forevermore.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Don’t close your door when you feel alone. Don’t close your heart when you want to love, and don’t ever close your hands when you need a friend coz I will be holding you all the way till the end.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Court Order: You are accused of crawling into my heart and high-jacking my smiles with your messages. How do you plead? Guilty? You are sentence to be my friend for life. No bail!

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

I went outside to be a friend but couldn't find one there. I went outside to be a friend and friends were everywhere.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

You’re there and I’m here... physically away from each other. But in my heart, you’re someone I could nearly touch, for your friendship means a lot... in my heart.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

The test of friendship does not come when you’re together. It comes when you’re apart and you realize that despite the distance and silence, the friendship still survives.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

In life, you will meet someone who will ride with you in a limo but what you want is somebody who will take the bus with you when the limo flats down. And that’s me, I’ll go with you even if we have to walk all the way through.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

It’s difficult to find someone like you. It’s like looking every night at a hundred stars in the sky to find the brightest. But you see, it’s okay. Finding you makes the sleepless night worthwhile.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

We’ve been friends for some time and yes, it has been hard to keep but even if it gets harder, I wouldn’t give up coz if it’s hard to keep you, believe me, it’ll be harder to find you again.

God-Inspired Messages

Every day, I smile and act like nothing is wrong. It’s called putting everything aside and simply being strong!

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

The value of waiting is a value of a lifetime. If we know how to wait, life shall be easy because God knows what to give us at the right time.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

When God gives us “No” for an answer, keep in mind that there’s a much greater “Yes” behind it. His “no” isn’t a rejection but a redirection.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

There’s no oil without squeezing the olives, no wine without pressing the grapes, no fragrance without crushing the flower. So when things press you down, God is taking out the BEST in you!

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

We all face storms that threaten to confuse or disorient us. When you are blinded by life’s disappointment, don’t trust your instincts. God wants to guide you, and His word is packed with wisdom and insights for living. His word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path!

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

In life, God doesn’t give you the people you want. Instead, He gives you the people you need... to teach you, to hurt you, to love you and to make you exactly the way you should be! Trust God. He knows what’s best.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

It’s a joy to feel God’s love embracing you, as He whispers, “Keep going! I’m with you not just on special days but every moment of your life!”

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Don’t worry about tomorrow because the same Heavenly Father who takes care of you today will have the same thought tomorrow and always. What does a child in the arms of such a father have to fear? Be as children, who hardly ever think about their future as they have someone to think for them. They are sufficiently strong just by being their father.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Be strong. Never tell yourself, “I’m tired”. The more you accept that thought, the more exhausted you’ll become. But if you tell yourself, “I can do even more.” You’ll find that there are no limits to what you can accomplish... for God never get tired of guiding you all the time. Life is a matter of perspective, either you complain because roses have thorns or you rejoice because thorns have roses. It all depends on how you look at it.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

A: How can you believe in God when the world is full of so many problems?
B: With all these problems, how can I possibly survive without God?

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

There are times when prayer is the only gift I can give to people I care for so I always pray to God to look after you every day, make you happy, give you peace and many reasons to smile.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Today, be like a sponge and absorb only what is good and beautiful so that when you are squeezed, only what is pleasing to God will come out.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Prayer is neither an extra option… nor a last resort when all other methods have failed. When a man works, man works. But when a man prays, God works.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

When we are given heavy loads by God, it only means that we are worthy of His trust. He always listens when we pray. Yet He answers them in His own perfect time.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

God loves you so much that He turns His ears to you constantly. He always answers your requests maybe not with a ‘yes’, but always with what is best.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

When you reach the edge of a cliff, you must trust God enough to let go. Then one of two things will happen. Either He will catch you when you fall, or He will teach you how to fly!

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Sometimes in life we tend to run so fast we don’t notice God’s running with us. We only notice Him when we fall, yet He stops and carries us.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

No one has travelled the bridge of success without ever crossing the streets of failures. God never promised us an easy journey in life, only safety on board.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Sometimes God breaks our spirit to save our soul.
Sometimes He breaks our hearts to make us whole.
Sometimes He sends us pain so we can be stronger.
Sometimes He sends us failure so we can be humble.
Sometimes He sends us illness so that we take better care of ourselves.
Sometimes He takes everything away from us so we can learn the value of everything He’d given.
Sometimes we never really realize how kind, great and good God is. We simply ignore Him.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Remember God first before you begin the daily games of your life. Put Him as your weapon in happiness, in guts and trials, in strength and in success. Have a good day!

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

The secret to a happy life is giving God the first part of your day; the first priority to your every decision; and the first place in your heart.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Prayer lifts our hearts above the battles of life, and gives us a glimpse of God's resources, which spells LOVE and HOPE. God bless you all the time!

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Nice people make us see what it means to be blessed by God. He has blessed me with you. So let me say, "Thank you for being one of my blessings."

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Nothing makes a new day more promising than having the right heart, the right spirit, the right mind, and the right strength that comes from God!

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

Life's never easy. You can decide for things you need but you can't expect a good result. You can choose a lifestyle you want but you can't be sure of contentment. You can enjoy the feeling of loving and being loved but, there is no sure way for true happiness. But if we let God be our life's guide, we can be sure of safe landing, real contentment and true happiness.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

A good looking woman works out to keep her body in shape. But a pretty woman kneels down in prayer to keep her heart in shape.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

God is always at work in you. That's why you always have to be confident in everything you do. He is not just beside you or behind you... But He is IN you!

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

We are not supposed to always understand why certain things happen. We don't have to always know the reasons why God allows some things to take place. All that is asked from us is to trust Him completely and let Him be in control. God will never fail us...

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

May God inspire you when you feel down, encourage you when you feel like quitting, and guide you when all things become confusing. Stay happy! That's how God wants us to be...

Texts of Advice 1: Life in General

When people hurt you over and over, think of them like a sandpaper.
They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end...

You end up polished and they end up useless...
###

When somebody does something wrong to you and it really drove you freakin' mad, don't do the same! Instead, kill them with kindness... 'coz guilty feelings are always the nastiest revenge...
###

"A duck in the pond is calm and careless, but what you don't see under the water is the struggling and stressed feet."

Lesson: What you see is not always what it seems. Let us know how to transcend in life. We could be like ducks; there's grace under pressure. :)
###

Don't ever let yourself get so busy that you miss those little but important extras in life:

* the beauty of a day
* the smile of a friend
* the serenity of a quiet moment alone

For it is often life's smallest pleasures and gentlest joys that make the biggest and most lasting difference...
###

Sometimes we put too much passion on the biggest dreams and priorities in life that we fail to love the smallest pleasures from simple things. We search so much for the right choices, for the right person, for the right paths to walk through, for the right time, and for the right reasons.

But life isn't about searching for the things that can be found. It is about letting the unexpected happen and finding things you never searched for...
###

Silence doesn't always mean yes; it may also mean no but it's better left unsaid.
Anger doesn't always mean hatred; it could just be a means of coping up.
Laughter doesn't always mean happiness; sometimes it's just a mask.
Tears don't always mean sorrow; it may also be an outlet of joy.
Staying away doesn't always mean it's the end; it may also mean the best beginning.
And though life is so complicated, it's always beautiful. So live it well.
###

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared is doubled. If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.

Remember, today is a gift, that is why it's called the present.
###

You'll never find anybody that achieves great success in life without a give up story. Nothing comes free and there will come a time when you will and that you, too, will have to give up something good if you want something better.
###

Destiny belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams and have the courage to pursue it. So don't stop when you're tired; stop when you're done.
###

Looking at pictures sometimes makes our heart ache because they give us a glimpse of what it used to be. It's sad to think that what we see on the pictures could only be something that would never happen again. Seeing faces would only tell us that we used to have that smile with those people... but when we think of it, only time can tell if we'll ever cross paths again...

Cherish who you are with at the time... because what you have right now may only be for a moment...
###

To live a soulful life is to share yourself with those you love. Smile each day for those you love. Let them know by the brightness of your face that you are happy they're in your life. Touch each day of those you love. Hold them close, even how briefly. The human touch is one of the most comforting things in our world... and one of the most reassuring...
###

Live with no excuses and love with no regrets. When life gives you 100 reasons to cry, show life that you have 1000 reasons to smile. :)
###

No one's perfect. Everybody commits mistake, whether we like it or not. Just always remember, a mistake only becomes a mistake when you never learn from it! And that in this life, we never run out of choices...
###

For other tips to live a simple but happy life, visit:

Happy and Good Life and Realities in Life

Enjoy! :)